If you are flowing with this column, you’ll know we are currently crossing over the topic called Love — how to figure when you’ve found the “One”, how to know if the love is genuine and things like that. It’s very deceptive, this emotion called love. On the surface, it seems so simple and sweet, but in truth it’s pretty complex, and involves parts
of your personality that you never knew existed. Many of you would think — why analyse love at all? Why not just flow with it? It’s after all the greatest emotion we are capable of feeling, so why split hairs on it? But hey, love is also an unreliable emotion, which can vanish without warning, leaving you miserable and griping. Sometimes, it brings out the worst qualities in you. Qualities like wild anger, intense jealousy, and vicious possessiveness. You exhibit so much of it that you become unrecognisable to your own self. Then, at a particularly bad moment, all of a sudden, love dissappears, leaving you holding on to these worst parts of you, with nothing to redeem yourself with. Then you want to know, “why did it go away?” “what do I do with myself now?” and you wouldn’t have the answers.
To many young people love comes and goes like a visiting butterfly. A few brief sips of the heady nectar, some rare thrills shooting up your veins, and all of a sudden, it starts to fade. In no time at all, it’s gone completely, leaving you numb and stunned. I know people who fell in and out of love in two weeks and it wasn’t infatuation with a pin-up girl or a six-pack ramp model. It was genuine touch and feel love with real people.
In barely two weeks the couple went through the full monty of feelings — heightened interest, fascination, love, then fading love, and finally disappointment and disconnection. I have to say there is something jumpy about you guys, your current teen generation. You are very sure about yourselves, and then suddenly, not sure at all. You are a hundred per cent confident that it’s love, and then a week later, you are certain it wasn’t anything like love at all.
Of course, before we discuss how to hold on to love, we need to talk about how to find it in the first place. Lots of you people are completely stuck in the rut here. I know that nine out of ten youngsters are searching but cannot find love — so the problem of getting burnt with it remains academic — like a movie about a romantic tragedy. Let’s see, how do you find love? Buddy, that answer is simple. You just go where like-minded members of the opposite sex abound and keep trying your luck. Put on your best expression, wear some nice clothes, groom yourself a bit, don’t appear desperate, remain cool, look at someone nice straight in the eyes and smile. Say hello, chat them up, and don’t hesitate to be yourself. If you like someone, ask them out and don’t be afraid of rejection.
If you are one of the shy kinds who is afraid to talk, then reading this column won’t help you much. You’ll either have to get “un-shy” or keep that Mills-and-Boon under the pillow and dream about some guy named Greg or Doug who has a wild fling with some chick called Samantha or Georgette.
Let me assure you, dreaming of love doesn’t help in real life. Just be unshy please. Become unafraid and “shameless” even. Go out and talk to that person — even if it means he/she walks away with a queer expression. Stop blaming it on your pimples, your complexion, your height, weight, or the slimness of your wallet. There are many good guys and girls out there who are looking for someone like you. Remember these words and repeat it to yourself each time you fail. “Your failure has nothing to do with you. Love is just a game of chance with a one in ten probability of success. Keep playing. You are bound to win.”
You don’t have to go to a psychiatrist and find out what went wrong. Your subconscious mind is a good enough doctor. As long as your intentions are genuine and honourable, each time you get rejected you will improve, get polished and more confident. It’s just like learning how to ride a bicycle. You keep falling off and getting hurt. And then suddenly, you learn the trick to balance. You learnt that a moving bicycle has a way of balancing itself — all you need to do is to relax and allow it to find its balance. Likewise, when you meet a nice person, you need to learn to be yourself and allow the relationship to find its own balance. You neither push nor pull. You don’t resist the forward motion either. You don’t apply the brakes. You just go with the flow, and miraculously — you are in a flowing relationship. If you have reached this stage — congratulations. The bumpy roads are round the corner — where your new found balance will be tested. But right now, relax and flow. Let tomorrow — and next week’s column — take care of itself.
The author is a film director