Anupam Kher

I am 21 years old. My parents are not together but not divorced either. I was brought up to enjoy a good lifestyle, but when my father left us he made it clear that if my brother and I wanted financial security, we should leave our mother. This was wrong because it was he who was at fault.

I am a science student but because of this family mess I can’t even go to regular college. A job in a call centre has become my life. I am not able to do anything I used to, such as writing, painting, sketching, music and dance. I feel as if I have lost my creativity. I just wish somebody could understood what I am not able to and guide me. Please help.
Anonymous

A. First of all, I’m sorry about your family. It’s really heart-wrenching when kids have to bear the brunt of decisions parents make. Your father is not doing right by you or your mother. You need to tell him to respect the mother of his children and not blackmail you to leave her. As I always say, the wisdom from realisation comes from within oneself. Trying to make your father realise his duties will be difficult. Besides he owes his family what he earns by law. I’m sorry that you have to face hardships and maybe you will have to for a while. But when you grow out of this, you will discover so many things.
Self-developed adaptation to any situation is the greatest learning in the world and when you get your creative streak back, it will have multiplied. I know it’s too much for me to ask you to be happy and positive and work hard. But being optimistic in the toughest of times makes a great human being. It is sort of easy to have great qualities when one is self-sufficient and satisfied, but to be optimistic in a tough time like this will make you stronger and proud of yourself. You are a good boy and goodness and hard work never goes waste. Remember that and be proud of yourself. It’s okay to feel low and bad sometimes. All the best!

Q. My problem is a bit complicated. I met a girl and she proposed. But I couldn’t find a job. Later, she met someone else, but my love for her hadn’t dominished. I decided to wait. After five to six months she called. She was in financial and emotional trouble. I helped her out because my feelings for her had not died. She is just 22 and has now decided to live with a guy in a flat in Delhi on the pretext of working in Delhi. As she was thinking of making the same mistake all over again, I decided to tell her parents that she did not have a job and should be stopped from going back to Delhi. I did not tell them about the live-in part (because I love her). She does not talk to me now. I am thinking of asking my parents to call her parents and discuss if an alliance is possible. Should I or not? I have worked for this day for three years. I’ve got a job with a PSU bank, all for her. Try karoon ya jaane doon?
Anonymous

A. My dear, I’m sure you like this girl and looks like you care and respect her and above all are not judgmental towards her. Maybe your relationship will work out. Maybe it won’t. Because it is important to be friends and enjoy each other’s company. I think you could give it a try but if it does not work out you should move on too. There is too much chaos in your equation with her and at the end of the day when you marry someone and are going to bring kids into the world, your values need to be strong and the atmosphere in the house has to be different and healthy. If together you will bring about that kind of a relationship it’s fine, otherwise let go, move on, make a happy hard working, secure and healthy life for yourself.

Q. I am in love with a girl. But now she is neglecting me. Maybe because I am shorter in height. She used to tell me that she was scared of me but loved me at the same time. Now, whenever I call her she makes some excuse not to talk or to go out with me. I am so scared. I can’t do anything without her. Once I cut my hand in front of her, even then she kept behaving in this off-hand manner. If she is not with me I feel I will die as I cannot lose her. Please help me. I want her to be mine always.
Ajay

A. My dear, I am writing this response with all due respect to your feelings and understand that love means a lot to you. However, as individuals we need to respect how the other person feels too. At this point in your life you should be thinking of becoming a career person. Learn new skills, indulge in sports, learn a language. The easiest thing in the world is to feel that you need someone to love you back and they don’t so you give up on the good things in life. That’s not right.
Step one is to let go. You cannot expect someone to love you back if they don’t. Step two is to grow, learn from the experience and move on. There are a zillion ways to be happy. Trying to make sure someone likes you back is not possible. Not for you, not for the greatest man in the world. Respect how she feels. Taking good decisions at a time like this will make you a better person and you will always be proud of yourself. How do we learn to be someone who makes good decisions? Now is the time when you are in a problem. I’m sure you will do the right thing and move on and focus on work and studies and self-development.
Be a good, strong human being and always do the right thing in the toughest of times. This shows character! All the best!