A marriage doesn’t rest solely on love

I’m in love with a guy but the problem is that he is a Christian and I’m a Hindu. He is asking me to convert to Christianity. My parents are staunch Hindus and would never allow me to convert, neither do I want to change my religion. Even his mother was a Hindu but adopted Christanity as her religion when she got married. I promised him that I’m ready for a church marriage despite my parents’ disapproval, and I will raise our kids as Christians. I have explained to him about various provisions in the law that relate to marriages without conversion, but he pays no heed to it. I know that his parents will agree, but it’s he who has issues. His attitude towards me has been very suffocating, but I want to marry him because I love him. Of late, this issue has been troubling me. Please advise.
Komal

A. My dear, love is not the only criterion for a marriage. Marriage is about meeting the other person halfway and respecting and understanding each other’s life and beliefs and taking your families’ views into consideration. I see everyone concerned taking that step towards a harmonious and healthy union but the guy. He seems adamant, even though you have agreed to so many things.
You’ve already used the word “suffocating” while describing his behaviour. You must slow down, speak with him, tell him you will meet him half-way and you need a relationship of not just love but respect, happiness, freedom, friendship, equality and especially so because you want to bring up kids in that atmosphere.

I am a 15-year-old girl, completing my intermediate currently. Earlier, my parents never forced me to study but now they are after my life to do well even when I am studying. I am frustrated with this and thus don’t feel like studying. Till my class X, my results used to be good but in college everything has changed. My results are getting worse. My parents scold me and sometimes even beat me. I don’t know what is going wrong with my life. I feel helpless. Please help.
Samhita

A. Dear Samhita, I’m truly sorry about the way your parents are treating you. Please read out my answer to them.
Tell them that no parent should nag, suppress, impose, or hit their child. Tell them that you want the freedom to dream and work. Their actions are only making you sad, upset, and you cannot focus on your studies because of that. Please tell them that you need a happy and peaceful environment. And my advice to you is to not give up on your happiness, dreams and definitely not direct the unhappiness on your studies and your life.
Keep your spirits up. You are young and should enjoy your life. Also, if your parents continue to hit you, please speak to an elder in your family who will speak to your parents. Just remember that things that are difficult in life must only make you brave and strong and should never take away anything from you, especially not your happiness.

My daughter, a student of Class VIII, excels in her studies but prefers watching TV to reading story books during her leisure time. I want to get her interested in reading books. How can I convince her that reading is better than watching TV?
Raghubabu Kondapi,
Ongole

A. Well, your daughter wants her leisure time to indulge in leisure activity of her choice. But if you want her to choose her leisure according to what you feel, you could start by asking her to read books for half-an-hour or 15 minutes a day and soon she will enjoy reading.
As parents we tend to never be satisfied with our kids and often dump on them our assumptions and ambitions. If your kid excels in what she does, then you need to give her some space and not clog her or crowd her and take away the joy of her studies from her. I understand that you want the best for her but we forget to let kids have a childhood and enjoy it and feel free. You owe her that. All the best.

Readers can send their queries to askanupam@anupamkhercompany.com

Post new comment

<form action="/comment/reply/252575" accept-charset="UTF-8" method="post" id="comment-form"> <div><div class="form-item" id="edit-name-wrapper"> <label for="edit-name">Your name: <span class="form-required" title="This field is required.">*</span></label> <input type="text" maxlength="60" name="name" id="edit-name" size="30" value="Reader" class="form-text required" /> </div> <div class="form-item" id="edit-mail-wrapper"> <label for="edit-mail">E-Mail Address: <span class="form-required" title="This field is required.">*</span></label> <input type="text" maxlength="64" name="mail" id="edit-mail" size="30" value="" class="form-text required" /> <div class="description">The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.</div> </div> <div class="form-item" id="edit-comment-wrapper"> <label for="edit-comment">Comment: <span class="form-required" title="This field is required.">*</span></label> <textarea cols="60" rows="15" name="comment" id="edit-comment" class="form-textarea resizable required"></textarea> </div> <fieldset class=" collapsible collapsed"><legend>Input format</legend><div class="form-item" id="edit-format-1-wrapper"> <label class="option" for="edit-format-1"><input type="radio" id="edit-format-1" name="format" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Filtered HTML</label> <div class="description"><ul class="tips"><li>Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.</li><li>Allowed HTML tags: &lt;a&gt; &lt;em&gt; &lt;strong&gt; &lt;cite&gt; &lt;code&gt; &lt;ul&gt; &lt;ol&gt; &lt;li&gt; &lt;dl&gt; &lt;dt&gt; &lt;dd&gt;</li><li>Lines and paragraphs break automatically.</li></ul></div> </div> <div class="form-item" id="edit-format-2-wrapper"> <label class="option" for="edit-format-2"><input type="radio" id="edit-format-2" name="format" value="2" checked="checked" class="form-radio" /> Full HTML</label> <div class="description"><ul class="tips"><li>Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.</li><li>Lines and paragraphs break automatically.</li></ul></div> </div> </fieldset> <input type="hidden" name="form_build_id" id="form-f381577a76a7febc67a97707ba7935c5" value="form-f381577a76a7febc67a97707ba7935c5" /> <input type="hidden" name="form_id" id="edit-comment-form" value="comment_form" /> <fieldset class="captcha"><legend>CAPTCHA</legend><div class="description">This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.</div><input type="hidden" name="captcha_sid" id="edit-captcha-sid" value="80421387" /> <input type="hidden" name="captcha_response" id="edit-captcha-response" value="NLPCaptcha" /> <div class="form-item"> <div id="nlpcaptcha_ajax_api_container"><script type="text/javascript"> var NLPOptions = {key:'c4823cf77a2526b0fba265e2af75c1b5'};</script><script type="text/javascript" src="http://call.nlpcaptcha.in/js/captcha.js" ></script></div> </div> </fieldset> <span class="btn-left"><span class="btn-right"><input type="submit" name="op" id="edit-submit" value="Save" class="form-submit" /></span></span> </div></form>

No Articles Found

No Articles Found

No Articles Found

I want to begin with a little story that was told to me by a leading executive at Aptech. He was exercising in a gym with a lot of younger people.

Shekhar Kapur’s Bandit Queen didn’t make the cut. Neither did Shaji Karun’s Piravi, which bagged 31 international awards.