Mind the gap
Movie name:
Yeh Dooriyan
Cast:
Deepshikha Nagpal, Kaishav Arora, Inder Kumar, Chitrashi Rawat, Delnaz Paul
Director:
Deepshikha
Rating:
Yeh Dooriyan is a dim-wit with a message aimed specifically at all controlling mummyjis and their wimpy boys, as well as at the Indian society in general. That message is: Be nice to divorced women; if you sleep with them, kindly have the courtesy to marry them as well.
This plea is bawled out by the film’s heroine, Simi (Deepshikha). Before we go any further, please note: Deepshikha, a TV actress, is a single mother. She is divorced and Kaishav Arora is her boyfriend. This is Deepshikha’s real life story, and it’s the story of her film, Yeh Dooriyan. With minor changes, of course. In the film, Simi is a choreographer who is honoured with an ugly trophy for being a woman of substance. She returns the favour with a corny speech. Her husband was a jealous jerk who didn’t want anything to do with her or her kids. So Simi divorced him, devoted herself to work, made a success of it and is now happy and rich.
Simi has two retarded colleagues who double-up as her girlfriends after work. She also has a male friend whose wife (played by Achint Kaur with the mood and mannerism of someone who has hairy cat legs for breakfast) keeps telling Simi to enjoy her freedom and sleep around. But Simi is a simple girl and doesn’t believe in flings. She’d like a soul mate.
Raj (Kaishav Arora) doesn’t believe in flings either. So when he starts pursuing and, soon, sleeping with Simi, he intends to marry her. But his mother hears of her young son going bonkers over a divorced mother of two and lands with a loud thud in his apartment, white froth dripping from the sides of her mouth...
AT THE press preview of Yeh Dooriyan in Delhi, Deepshikha arrived, said something and was immediately presented with a certificate from the Limca Book of Records people because she had worked a total of nine departments of her film singlehandedly. Apart from acting, producing and directing the film, she also wrote the film’s script, dialogue, screenplay, and choreographed the dances while getting everybody’s clothes stitched and ironed. I’m missing two items, but you get my drift.
One certificate won't suffice. Yeh Dooriyan deserves many more. The first one could be for serving up drivel in place of dialogue. The second one could go to the thick sheet of makeup that held together the heroine’s face for the longest time. Another one could be for the largest number of falsies on display, one for repeatedly whacking the audience with inane but insanely long scenes, another one for the largest gang of non-actors who fancy themselves far too much. And one final one must go to the jugalbandi of the crappiest songs. Yeh Dooriyan opens with Deepshikha jumping up and down and sometimes sliding sideways to Ring-a-ring-a-roses, pocket full of posies... and then goes on to have Kaishav strum a guitar and croon, I wanna be your lover, zindagi bhar.
Deepshikha and her boyfriend may have chemistry in real life, but on screen they are like two hand-puppets with buck teeth. I’d say, keep your distance.
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