Team David beats Team Goliath, again

I’m writing this from Sydney, Australia. Australia, of course, was in the news for the beatings of Indian citizens, that goes unabated. Last week, a group of Indian tourists were beaten black and blue over four days in Sydney. It was painful, almost sadistic. The most horrible was Day 2. Luckily, the perpetrators of these beatings were caught on tape. These shameless men offered no sign of remorse, and in fact celebrated their offensive, arrogant and xenophobic behaviour. Worse still, 35,000 Sydneysiders applauded these crimes as if they were acts of righteousness!
Being a right minded Indian citizen I have noted the names of the perpetrators of this crime against humanity. Four names lead this, shall we say, exalted list. A certain Mr Clarke, a Mr Ponting, a Mr Hussey and a Mr Hilfenhaus. The last name may have a credible defence as Indian radio commentators have repeatedly referred to him as Hilfee-in-hews, and so he may be justified in his retaliation. Okay folks, seriously, we have got obliterated in Sydney. Things just went from bad to worse. Virat Kohli, in fact, was so worried about his future that he started practising his umpiring skills, albeit with the wrong finger. But then, pressure can get to everybody.
Now let us examine the facts. This is Australia’s worst Test side since Allan Border’s 1985/86 team. Their first three in the order have done precious little. Despite an early Test century, Warner bats like it’s T-20. Ed Cowan has not set the Tasman sea on fire, and Shawn Marsh, although he’s overcome drinking and back problems, hasn’t scored a single run in January, and just three in December 2011. Their bowling attack is as young as the BJP is old — not even 40 Tests between all four bowlers. Their two grandfathers, Michael Hussey and Ricky Ponting, were supposed to be put out to pasture. However, having scored a 1,000 runs each in Sydney, the pasture will have to wait a while.
On top of all this Sydney was supposed to be the closest to an “Indian wicket”. Spin was supposed to play a massive part, and for the first three days it was to be like batting at Chepauk in Chennai.
Now let us look at India. Gautam Gambhir, Virender Sehwag and Rahul Dravid average over 50, V.V.S. Laxman just under. Kohli is the great new brown hope, and above all we have “Bradmankar”, the man who sits on 99 centuries.
Next, the most attacking wicket-keeper cum batsman in the world, a twice World Cup winning skipper. The best left opener is part of the bowling trio that experts are calling “India’s best pace attack ever”. R. Ashwin, the lone spinner, completes the 11, and he must be “special” if he managed to upstage a spinner who took more than 400 Test wickets, and won two series for us against Australia almost single-handedly. The result: India’s best Test team ever is up against Australia’s weakest in the last 20 years.
Before the series began, a study showed Sachin Tendulkar better than John Bradman. Dravid was considered the best of all wicket-keeper cum batsman in the world and Sehwag the most destructive since Vivian Richards. So it was supposed to be a David vs Goliath sort of contest.
This just shows that one should never mess with the scriptures. Just like in the Old Testament, David won, and won easily.
So why did we lose? Was it the bounce in the wicket? The bounce in Sydney’s night life? Salman Butt’s eerie connections? Who knows? What we do know is come April and the Indian Team will return home, the Indian Premier League will redeem their fortunes on flat Indian feather beds. And come December, the English Test team that beat us 4-0 and the Aussie team which is set to replicate this feat, will have earned far less than their Indian counterparts.
Now do you understand the beatings?