Dance show gets everyone to weep

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I toh love dance shows. Aur us par agar gender ka panga ho toh wah bhai wah. Zara Nachke Dikha (Star Plus) is just that — naach-gana, latke-jhatke and ladna-jhagarna. The show’s format is old: There are two teams,

Mastkalandar Boys and Massakali Girls, and every weekend, over Saturday and Sunday, they have several face-off rounds — solo takkar, group confrontations, and one round where both teams to do tough-tough things like juggling aag ke gole or kicking all glass surfaces in the vicinity. Judges give marks for each round and at the end the winning team puts one contestant from the losing team on their nishana. This poor soul has to then dance and impress the judges next Saturday. At the end of the season, the team that loses will have to go down on knees and say to the winning team, “Jahanpana, tussi great ho.” Fantabulous!
Massakali Girls include: Motu Sangeeta Ghosh, lollypop-lips Rashmi Desai aka Tapasya, three small screen ki miniature celebs — Kritika, Mukti aur Additi, the incredibly lithe and cute Sanjeeda Sheikh, gori-gori Hazel and Rakhi Sawant.
Main toh na Rakhiji ke liye bahut worried hoon. She is looking as if someone pulled out all parts of her face — eyes, mouth, nose, jaw, cheeks, forehead — and then urgently stuck them back together during a rickety auto ride. It’s all here, there, pata nahin where.
Mastkalandar Boys include: One dullard Kapil Nirmal, two dullard Angad Hasija aka Alekh, Sanjeeda ka BF Aamir Ali, boy with melt-your-heart smile Sushant Singh Rajput, tingu Karan Kundra, Rakhi’s ex Abhishek who we last saw getting repeatedly slapped on India TV, and two boys who look like they are hero ke chachaji ke bete — Siddesh and Akshat.
Haan, teams main chote-chote patakhe bhi hain — little girl Sparsh and little boy Ayush.
Show ke sabse bade celebrities are its three judges — there’s Arshad Warsi and his potty lines: “Ladkon ke muscle dekhe hain? Muscle ke rakh denge”; Shilpa Shetty Kundra and her enviable waist; And technique ki maharani Vaibhavi Merchant.
Show mein dancing ke saath-saath natak bhi bahut hai. Last Sunday it was Mother’s Day, so everyone’s mummyjis came. There were lots of pappiyan-jhappiyan and songs that went Meri Ma, Meri Ma... Mothers wept. Daughters wept. Sons wept. Even Arshad had an emotional moment when he spoke of how he never got along with his mom. Arre, there was so much rona-dhona that I think the show should be called Rona Band kar ke Dikha.
Most of the stunts and banter in the show is scripted and rehearsed. But there’s one thing that is not and that’s what is most interesting. You see, the boys are much more touchy-feely with each other than the girls. There’s lots of team bonding. The warmth on girls’ side is very dim — more than competing with the boys they seem to be itching to outdo their own teammates. The fun part would be to see what triumphs: team spirit or individual conceit. Yehi hai kalyug ka real mukabala.