My dad is so irritating. He tells us to have cold water baths in winter. He tells us to skip a meal sometimes. It’s very irritating when someone talks like that. Let him do all those things, I mean, why is he forcing it on us?
Rachna, 15 years
What he means is, understand the power of self-denial. You have reached the right age to know it. Normally we have no idea how dependent we are on a thousand tiny fulfilments to give us the sense of being “OK”. Start with your rising from bed till the time you get back to bed and do a proper count.
From the correct toothpaste to hot water for a bath to the right shampoo to the right tasting breakfast onwards… I can count over 200 little things that have to be just right for most of us to feel okay. Not happy, mind you, just okay. What if there isn’t hot water? Immediately you feel upset. Well, what if there is hot water? You don’t feel, “Wow, I have hot water.” You don’t thank the powers above for giving you hot water. You just take a bath and move on.
Take a good look at yourself. You have become so used to getting so many little fulfilments and you have overlooked how much you have become dependent on them. Those fulfilments now have a power over you. In a real sense, you have been weakened by this dependency.
Do one tiny act of defiance everyday. One little act that asserts your mind over your desire. One tiny action that restores your sense of being in control over your life. This has been the traditional Indian way to reset your lost self. Our ancestors were wise in this respect: they encouraged self-denial as a way towards self-assertion.
It’s not easy. If you decide not to bathe in hot water, for instance, a string of arguments will roll out as you step into the bathroom. In the beginning it will seem impossible. Your mind will rebel; will conjure up many theories that make everything I say seem meaningless. Why on earth should I have a cold water bath today? It’s winter, it’s freezing, I will catch a cold and fall sick, my body can’t take it, and even if it can, where is the sense in this? What am I proving anyway? And so on and so forth. In fact, your hand will never turn on the cold water tap. It’s quite possible that you will unconsciously turn on the hot water first, and then say, “Next time I will have a cold water bath” and proceed to bathe.
Keep at it though. Over time you will feel a sure sense of inner strength. You will gain a sense of “wisdom” perhaps for the first time in your life. You will see how your mind becomes a victim of desire, falls prey to runaway temptation and you will feel your inner strength as you conquer the temptation and overcome the desire. Keep at it and in time you will be surprised at your own will power. One day you will surely thank your dad for showing you the way.