I am a 26-year-old girl and my problem is my older sister. She interferes in everybody’s lives and is also two-faced. She was married but left her in-laws’ home and is now staying with us. Her husband is abroad and they have a kid. After the delivery, the doctor advised my sister to consult a psychiatrist because of her complaints about her in-laws. We did not do this. Her intention is to take over the house.
I’ve tolerated her hoping that one day she would go away after marriage and I would live happily with my parents. She never tolerated my and my second sister’s bonding with our parents. She easily gets my mother’s support. One day my grandmother visited our home. My elder sister went to her in-laws for a few days and I spoke my heart out to granny in front of my mother. I told her how my sister could not tolerate my bonding with mother. Mother did not like this because granny is an ‘outsider’, so nothing changed. My sister backbites and fights with my mother too. Please publish this letter so that she will read it. Help me please.
The Unusual
A. I am so very sorry about your situation. Sometimes people in our lives can give us strength and sometimes they drain us out. Unfortunately, we love them as much as we wish for them to change and that conflict only hurts us more. But sometimes these things make us strong as people. Why don’t you distance yourself from this entire situation? Maybe spend time with your father and your friends, get a different circle. Because at the end of the day being happy is so important and being peaceful too. You deserve that.
Unfortunately you cannot avoid your sister, as she will be in your home or around you a lot. Maybe you could look at this situation completely differently. Don’t expect what you do from her or your parents. Form a new pattern with them. Change your approach towards the whole thing.
I always believe that we cannot change other people but we can do so ourselves. Sometimes accepting people can be difficult, because they override everything you want to be but sometimes it helps. Also your parents must understand and take a doctor’s advice seriously.
Raising a child is no joke. If the doctor has advised psychiatric consultation you need to get one. It’s important to create a healthy atmosphere at home for adults and children. I can understand that your parents don’t see all this happening because they love their kids. But I think you should have a serious chat with your mother and your sister and if that is not possible, then with your father. I see it as a small issue that you can sort easily and maturely and peacefully. Just remember not to challenge each other's dignity or self-respect. I think once you are above this situation you will feel relaxed.
Q. What do you think of corruption? We have heard your views but could you expand.
Anonymous
A. Corruption comes out of greed. That could be the only explanation for it. For some reason people find it easy to give up goodness and responsibility to stack up money. We are all greedy creatures. But when it becomes an emotion that replaces every other human quality, it is dangerous.
Our country can be the most powerful country in the world because of the resources, manpower, youth population, growth, expansion capacity it has. And I’m only speaking about business and politics here. If we see our cultural and artistic treasure and give our country and its people a chance, we will be a power no one can come close to. We are also an incredibly tolerant, loving, peaceful, intelligent, kind, diverse and spiritual nation. However, it doesn’t suit certain elements to work around it.
Maybe someday a leader like Gandhiji will be back and he will guide our country to what it should be. There are some people who have given up their own livelihood and are working for the benefit of the country.
So maybe a change is right around the corner. If we all decide to give up corruption, it will be over soon.
Links:
[1] http://archive.asianage.com/anupam-kher-361
