It’s a Bigg Bore

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Yeh baat toh final hai, ki Bigg Boss (Colors) ban gaya hai Big Bore. The only thing that keeps us from going snore-snore are host Salman Khan’s ajeeb-o-gareeb harkatein and his potty humour. And these days, as the show’s TRPs slip and slide, his humour knows no bounds. Arre, Friday raat ko toh he dedicated one entire segment to gents log ki pissing habits.

Hua yeh ki some girls complained that when boys tinkle they sprinkle and requested that they please stick to spraying the gents toilet and spare the ladies loo. Chi-chi, Salman said and took off. He wanted to know why men were using the ladies toilet: “Ek saath khate ho, isiliye kya ek saath jaate ho?” Hahaha he went while the camera panned and caught some red, some disgusted faces. But Salman continued: “Seat uppar kar liya karo, yaar,” “Tissue-vishu nahin dete kya Bigg Boss?” Girls ki toh jaise death hi ho gayi. All were praying ki Dharti Ma fate aur main usmein sama jaaon. But Salman was on a roll and offered free, fulsome advice on target practice.
Hai! Yeh kahan aa gaye hum, is TRP ki chakkar mein! Bada hi pathetic state of affairs hai, yaar. We already know that Bigg Boss is scripted. We also know that off and on the script is driven by Salman’s mood — aaj is gadhi pe dil aaya, toh kal us gadhe pe. His current favourites are Sana and Vishal and least favourite person is Sapna Bhavnani because she called him a “serial woman beater”. So, we know who will stay and who will go.
The problem is that Bigg Boss’ glass house, which usually attracts one has-been, four-five never-been-seen and some I’m-so-keen-to-be-seen-with-a-has-been, has this time around attracted only comatose cretins. All the inmates are so boring and thakela that Bigg Boss’ scriptwriters have been reduced to creating friction between an already divorced couple — Rajiv and Delnaz. First Bigg Boss tried to engineer a Sana-Rajiv romance, then they got Delnaz’s brother to shout bad-bad things to Rajiv and then Rajiv’s brother arrived to rant against Delnaz. None of their antics had an impact. So now Bigg Boss has given us Aashka-Sana Ka Lesbian Natak.
Pyaari Sana ko ho gaya skin rash, so her good friend Aashka got under the blanket and gave her two pecks — one on the forehead and one on the cheek — to commiserate. Bigg Boss producers immediately cut out these scenes but kept the bits where Vishal and Santosh were gossiping about the girls going huggie-huggie, kissi-kissi.
Colors and Bigg Boss ke itne bure din aa gaye hain that a peck on the cheek has to be censored to create controversy, generate interest? Chi-chi.