The most powerful word in any language is ‘No’. The difference between a ‘No’ and a ‘Yes’ is simply this — a Yes may have the power to make your life but a No has the power to prevent your life from being broken.
So a No is far more important than a Yes — for before you start to make your life, you have to stop it from being broken up.
What’s in a No? Lots and Lots. It defines attitudes and approaches to life that are absolutely vital to our happiness. And while both the No attitude and the Yes attitude are needed, there are fundamental differences between a Yes and a No.
For starters, it’s far easier to say Yes than to say No. Why is that? As children, we are subtly taught to seek approval from our elders. The whole system of reward and punishment has been designed for the child to seek approval, which basically means to develop the Yes attitude. So a mother who says ‘stop playing, it’s time to do your homework’ expects a ‘yes mom’ from her child. The child has been indoctrinated into following orders and if she says, ‘Yes mom’ and opens her class books she gets a pat, kiss and ‘that’s my baby’ hug. If the child says, ‘No mom I decided I am not doing my homework for the next three days’ then she gets a frown, a stare and maybe a scolding.
For a child to say No is very difficult. So most people go through life with an overdeveloped Yes attitude and an underdeveloped No attitude. A child who early on develops the power to say No is a rebel, a maverick, a black sheep — someone to be shunned by other kids. Such kids grow up to be free thinkers, entrepreneurs, leaders. They are the ones who shape society, change the order of things and influence the silent masses of Yes men. Of course, there’s no guarantee that a child with a No attitude will become successful. She may end up a failure, but even that failure would be beautiful — and she would be admired for her courage in the face of adversity.
So if you are a teenager, you still have lots of room to grow and redefine yourself. Develop the No attitude. To start with, say No to all kinds of addictions — drugs, alcohol and tobacco. Then, start saying No to all kinds of approval-seeking behaviour. As a teen, you are desperately trying to impress a set of people all the time. It could be the girl you have a crush on, or the cute boy in your class who won’t look at you. Well, try saying, ‘From now on I will do nothing to seek their approval’. You’ll quickly realise that saying No needs lots and lots of inner strength, and you’ll discover you don’t have that kind of strength yet.
Don’t fret pal. Think about it. We’ll discuss it again next week.