L ots of mothers want their daughters to know more about last week’s “Spinster Formula”. Hmm. To be fair, there is a clear difference between a spinster and a bachelor girl. The latter remains unmarried out of choice. She prefers aloneness and is truly happy.
A spinster on the other hand is one who wanted to marry but somehow never managed to and is tormented by it.
How does a nice girl get into such a mess? The effect of the formula is always the same — a girl doesn’t select a groom until a time comes when no groom wants to select her. But the variables to this formula can be very different.
It can start with parents over-pampering their child. Girls who are brought up with over-indulgent parents develop a rose-tinted sense of the world. If daddy worships her, she will unconsciously expect the same from her would-be spouse. Then, when she courts the prospective groom, her worry is like ‘will he appreciate me and adore me the way papa did?’ Her answer is likely to be ‘no, of course he won’t’ and the suitor is rejected.
The reverse is also true. If her father never cared for her or abused her mother, the child tends to develop a certain defensive attitude towards men. Then, when she meets a prospective spouse, it’s like ‘will he do the same with me as my dad did to mom?’ kind of worry. The answer to that will usually be ‘you never know’.
Likewise, beauty brings its own troubles. If a girl thinks she is a perfect 10 or nine, she will look down on guys and blow up his every defect out of proportion. Then it’s ‘he’s not good enough or smart enough or handsome enough or tall enough or fair enough for me’ and then she thinks — ‘I will surely find a better man’. The suitor is rejected.
There is also the fear factor. If a child has grown up in an ultra-conservative family with strict rules, do’s and don’ts, then a happy relaxed groom is a source of fear.
If she finds out he smokes or likes vodka or has tried weed or has had a few affairs, her natural insecurity will pop up and create a mental block. Then it’s like ‘he has loose morals, he can’t be trusted’ and the poor guy is rejected.
Of course these aren’t the only variables for the spinster syndrome. So many girls have to work early, or have sick parents, or go through guilt that they are not good looking, so have a bad first affair that leaves a distaste for men.
What’s the solution to bust the spinster formula? Girls, develop a horse sense for ground realities. Follow your feminine intuition with all the courage you can summon. The intuition has been gifted by God so you can handle the big uncertain moments of your life. Take charge of your life and do the right thing at the right time.