Wedding tamasha

[1]

Hai, Godji, thank you. Aakhir kaar Ram Kapoor aur Priya Sharma ki shaadi ho hi gayi. I tell you these Bade Achche Lagte Hain (Sony) people have been dragging this wedding for so long that I had to get my full-body waxing done twice.

Pehle toh we had to wait for that frog-faced Natasha to stop doing her tarr-tarr and get married to Priya’s lallu bhai. Then there was that whole natak between Priya’s nani and Ram’s dadi. In between there was some nonsense about Ram getting married to Priya’s younger sister (who, incidentally, is currently warming Ram’s tuchcha and sautela bhai’s cockles). And then there was that mysterious Apeksha who kept butting in. But chalo, shaadi toh hassi-khushi ho hi gayi. Though, I have to say, I was very angry with Ram’s sauteli ma, Sweety, who kept muttering AC, AC and making Priya’s Papaji feel poor and embarrassed.
But no matter what Sweety and Apeksha do, this is going to be the sweetest post-wedding romance ever on television. Arre, didn’t you see how Ram shut up his kamine sautele gharwale when they were screaming “garmi-garmi” at the wedding. Golu-molu Ram not only said the nicest things about Priya’s Papaji and his dream of getting his daughter married, but he also refused to change the wedding venue. Hai, kitna cute hai Ram! His fat toh just melts and disappears with his adorable-adorable baatein.
Aur vahan, Uttaran (Colors) par, another wedding is underway. Chudail Tapasya is to wed hairy dude Rathore. This Rathore guy is very excited about his shaadi. He keeps smiling stupidly and staring at Tapasya. Dekhle bachchu, abhi toh you are in love with her, but when Tapasya changes form and starts doing her zehrili nagin dance you’ll run into your bil.
You tell me, if Tapasya was serious about the marriage, would she go running to Veer for a heart-to-heart? That too in a full bridal gear? If I was Veer I would have lit a fire under her, you know, derriere and sent her off to Mars. But Veer is very shareef. Even though Tapasya kept crying about how much she loved him and never got any prem in return, all he said was never to lie and not to create stupid syappas.
But we know better. Jaise-jaise Ichcha and Veer start inching towards each other, waise-waise Tapasya’s fangs will start growing again. She will not take a second to dump her curly-burly pati. Tab puchoongi prem mein pagal Rathore se, “Ud gaye tote, mil gaye ladoo?”