A still from the show

For the last 42 hours only one song has been playing in my head, and not just audio, but with full video. There I am, in a large room, playing a grand piano, while a small telly sits in front of me. My two friends stand at a distance, an evil smile dancing on their faces as they sip some golden fluid from flutes.

I watch TV, look at them, bang on the piano and start singing, Dushman na kare dost ne yeh kaam kiya hai, umra bhar ka gam hamein enaam diya hai...
Hua yeh that my two kitty friends — Tushita and Stutee — posted a little nugget for me, about this serial, Sasural Simar Ka (Colors). It was not an ordinary snippet. It was an intrigue: “In tonight’s episode we will see Roli return after taking the spoon from Simar. But she bumps into Jhanvi and the spoon falls into muck. Will Jahnvi notice the spoon?”
I also have a life. I have plans — hair removal appointments, loitering about in the malls. But my mean friends, knowing fully well that I have no self-control when it comes to TV, had set me up, and sent me off to watch at least 10 episodes of this serial to solve the chamach mystery.
SSK, as you probably know, is about two sisters, Simar and Roli, married to two Bharadwaj brothers. Every few days some misfortune visits the family and splits them. The latest calamity, which involves the crucial spoon, is about a murder charge thrown at Simar and Roli’s badi saas, Nirmala Mataji, which led to Simar and her husband Prem leaving their house and living with Shobha mausi, the woman who had not just accused Mataji of murdering her son Shakti, but has also said that Prem is her pota, not Mataji’s.
Like all good, gharelu bahus, Simar and Roli decided to investigate and prove that Mataji is not a murderer. And like all professional investigators they first lost the crucial skeleton which was allegedly Shakti’s. Having accomplished this difficult task, and left holding just one bone, the kankal’s chichi ungli, they decide to take Prem’s saliva sample to match with the dead man’s DNA.
Oh, but how will Simar take Prem’s saliva without letting him know, because he is very anti-Bhadawaj family these days? This chinta gnaws at Roli, Mataji and Simar for two full episodes. Prem, of course, is clueless that his wife and saali and Mataji are conspiring to extract his saliva.
After lots of twisting of saree pallus and wringing of hands and walking around the house mumbling to self, Simar comes up with a genius plan. She will take Prem’s nashte ka chamach and spoil Shobha mausi’s cutlery set. Kill two birds with one stone and all that.
There’s the spoon, in front of her, but she can’t get to it because Jhanvi, who is Shobha’s grand-daughter, is hovering. After lots of tense moments, Simar manages to distract Jhanvi and grab the chamach. The next challenge is to get the spit-walla spoon to Roli, so that she can get it to a DNA lab. But how will Simar get the spoon to Roli, when Shobha is standing guard at the main door?
Smart girl Roli takes charge and arrives at Simar’s house dressed up as a Sardar electrician, Taar Singh. Despite her very decent size breasts saying “hello” to Shobha and Simar, neither recognises her till Roli winks at Simar. Somehow, after lots of idiocy and hugging, Roli gets the spoon, but even then kadam-kadam pe the spoon is threatened, Prem's saliva is endangered. Uff! It took full five episodes to get the thook-walla chamach from the dinner table to the DNA lab. And many more nights were spent in extracting the report, so that the family could be together again. But hai! Kahani mein twist: It’s revealed that Shobha has many more evil intentions.
The hair on my legs will turn into roots, my arms will turn into leafy branches and birds will lay eggs on my head by the time Simar and Roli do Shobha’s parda-faash. So I’m wondering, which colour light ki ladi should I wrap around myself this Diwali — red or yellow?