Such antiquated antics truly. A glib salesman trades a clay Lord Krishna statue for gold, claiming it to be centuries-old. And then hell breaks loose, forcing the glib guy’s screws to go loose. An earthquake later, his shop’s destroyed, he claims insurance but is told to prove that the quake wasn’t an act of God. Oh lord!

Q: What do Priyadarshan and Doordarshan have in common?
A: They both need to re-invent themselves, and faaast.

Since time immemorial — and I can say that since I’ve been reporting on and reviewing films since I was in my diapers — there are severe misconceptions about what Bolly-journo’s life and times. And they haven’t altered right from the era of Amitabh Bachchan (which is when I entered the sin... scene), then on to the Khans (now that’s another story) to the jalebi-barfi ambience of Ranbir Kapoor today. So, here are 10 myths about the movie-journo tribe which keep setting my teeth on edge:

Choke. Disturbed women smoke. They ooze the scent of booze, rumble tumble in bed with married men. And oh ma, they detest their own mummyjis. Plus, they pop pink and purple pills to chill.

Khalid Mohamed

Statutory warning: This is not a case for or against cigarette smoking. It’s just that I can’t figure out what the fuss is all about, and it’s been going on ever since former minister Anbumani Ramadoss got a bidi in his bonnet about the on-screen display of tobacco consumption.

It’s a beauty: visually and emotionally. Sure, there are flaws unlimited but then which love story isn’t blemished, as much in real as in movie life? In fact, halfway through Anurag Basu’s Barfi, my heart sank.

Watch that weight. Traditionally, no leading star can be endowed with extra kilos. No tummy flab, no sagging chins and certainly no balloon face. Which is why I felt wretched for a very appealing, technical savvy actor-cum-director Prateek Chakravorty who made his debut in a not-too-bad romcom titled From Sydney with Love.

Hoot. Devil wears a linen suit. And this stubbled fella resides in a cosy slum, looks uber glum as if he’s about to explode terrorist “bums”. But supernaturally, he’s much feared.

A top executive of a satellite channel asked, “Could you write a serial for us, adapted from the true life story of a film star?” Huh, whatever for?

It’s a key constituency: the Muslim viewers. Like politicians, Bollywood trade bosses have consistently acknowledged that alienating the minority community entails a losing out on a major chunk of their votaries.