Woe. Just look at that crotch potato. Scratching away obscenely, he grins that an abducted woman should pleasure him for a couple of nights more. Snore. Potato’s big brother, who displays Dracula teeth, assents, “Sure, sure.” Get set, then, for sadistic violence galore.

Meet the Monteiros of Goa. They’re quite an awed couple, responding to most situations — mundane and bizarre — hyper-dramatically. Indeed, the opening scene with the middle-aged twosome coupling, is howlarious.

Boy’s no duffer, but he does need a buffer. Since he doesn’t pass examinations in rainbow colours, he raises the hackles of his Fuehrer-like dad. Sad.

Eye-lock kiya jaaye. A girl, desperately hoping that her father will overlook her trespasses, implores, “I know in your heart you love me deeply. Nothing else matters.”

Khalid Mohamed

Style bhais of the movies are becoming an extinct species. My jaw hasn’t hit the floor, of late, on scanning Page 3 — at times Page 5 or 7 or 8 — displaying screen heroes on their way to post-midnight shebangs. Their hair’s tousled, they’re overdressed or under, and bargain sale accessories are conspicious by their presence. The tinsel guys just aren’t making a style statement anymore.

Have gun, no fun. All sorts of hand-made revolvers, pistols and tamanchas are toted by a ganglord’s chamchas. Hundreds of lethal weapons are packed into cavernous cartons, incalculable money is made out of this illegal arm-trade. So guys, welcome to the carton network.

Just a thought: Now, what would happen to the global box-office if Superman, Batman, Flash, Aquaman and Wonder Woman from the DC Comics empire — with a guest appearance by Archie aka Archina nowadays — were to gang up to combat the creepiest crawly on earth?

Gloom doom: yuckplosives ahead. On a besieged train from London to Glasgow, you meet three, max four passengers who could be blown to smithereens any minute.

He listened. In my three-film-old experience as a director, Karisma Kapoor was quite simply he’s the best actress that I have had the privilege to work with.

Say “Cheeeeese!” Articulate a long ‘e’ sound. It requires us to draw back our lips and bare our teeth into a no-tooth-barred smile.