There is a problem with women, maybe not a problem as much as a tumorous auto-infliction of their own self-styled paranoia, but then I am being euphemistic.

It is often quoted that one is as old as one thinks. An axiom, if I may dare suggest, is that one is as old as one is perceived to be.

Women and men are miles a part and everyone knows that. In fact, a lot has already been written about it.

When I started this column I had no idea that there were so many oppressed men living covertly amongst us and an even larger number of women who would take time out to hunt me down and give me a piece

If the men of the world think that women are terribly and utterly complicated, well, allow me to defend their stance by reminding us guys that we aren’t really simple either. It is much easier to know what a girl wants for her birthday, or

Ladies, the word rhetoric wouldn’t have existed were it not for you. For what else do you expect to be treated to when you pose questions that come loaded with an answer you wish to hear?

I am writing this article from Tuscany — yes I enjoy lavish summer holidays — and seeing how the Siennese and the Florentines can’t stand each other, I almost started missing home.

You may be aware of the recent car pileup where a poor lady scraped her very expensive mobile metal (car) against an equally expensive derby of dashing cars — Ferrari, Aston Martin, Mercedes, Porsche — and all that was really cited, apart from the cost of repairs, was the fact that she was a blonde!

Freud said anatomy is destiny and thereby earned himself the title of the worst kind of chauvinist ever. Women have been up in arms proclaiming their feminist leanings. Is this just to prove their equality? Lovelies, one wishes equality were that simple!

Most friends of mine will sooner put their hand through the rusty blades of a very slow blender rather than go shopping with their wives, or girlfriends. The excruciating agony of purchases conducted with a parity of indecisiveness and impulsiveness are too complex for any man to comprehend. If we knew whether a dress made you look fat, or thin we’d take up fashion designing as a viable career option.