Every December, as the calendar year drew to a close, we gave you a list of the year's Top 10 Bollywood films. That's now passe. This year we give you the other gems: Bollywood's Top 10 atrocities, indulgences and ego trips.

Hamare television ke creative heads bhi kamal hain. Give them any subject – global warming, bijli ki samasya, dayan mehangai, ghoos khori, mosquitoes ki badhti aabadi... just about any scenario, syappa or kalesh and they will turn it into a moral mahayudh between two women, one of whom will have a dashing love interest strutting about on the side.

Yeh baat toh final hai, ki Bigg Boss (Colors) ban gaya hai Big Bore. The only thing that keeps us from going snore-snore are host Salman Khan’s ajeeb-o-gareeb harkatein and his potty humour. And these days, as the show’s TRPs slip and slide, his humour knows no bounds. Arre, Friday raat ko toh he dedicated one entire segment to gents log ki pissing habits.

Ekta Kapoorji ne last week ek Brahmastra fire kiya, in-house chudail Anushka Sarkar ke through. Aur bus, phir kya tha, two very decent serials ki waat lag gayi. In the first one, Kya Hua Tera Vaada (Sony), Pradeep tapak gaya, Vineet sir gayab ho gaye, Anushka ki illegitimate bachchi prakat ho gayi, and even as Anushka was chakki peesing and peesing in jail, the serial jumped 10 years and is now headed towards playing out the same miserable story once again — of one good girl with dupattas versus one bad girl in western attire.

Har cheez ka season hota hai aur yeh season chudailon ka hai. First came that chudail on Bigg Boss (Colors), Imam Siddiqui, who scared everyone by appearing nangu-pangu for no apparent reason. Next up, was a killer chudail in Aamir Khan’s Talaash, and now there is a daily serial hinged on the kali kartoot of a chudail.

If you are contemplating watching Talaash as a challenge to your inner Sherlock Holmes or Karamchand, forget it. If, however, you want to watch this Aamir Khan thriller to suss out the IQ of the writers, i.e. story and screenplay writers Reema Kagti and Zoya Akhtar, then, yes, please go ahead. I could, however, save you some money and tell you that their collective IQ adds up to a two-digit number in the early thirties.

Ek zamana tha when Bollywood alphabet went like this: A for Amitabh, B for Bachchan, C for Collective Aspirations of the Rest. That exclusivity is now gone.

Ek zamana tha when Bollywood alphabet went like this: A for Amitabh, B for Bachchan, C for Collective Aspirations of the Rest. That exclusivity is now gone.

Wah! What a fantabulous week it’s been, like one long hotties ka mela. First toh, on September 6, Bill Clinton came early in the morning, to schmooze the world to go with Barack Obama once again. I don’t know about Americans, but my vote toh now goes to O. Watching Billji, listening to him, I totally got what Monica Lewinsky saw in him. He is that ultimate package — sexy, sly and full of substance.

Raaz 3 is not in the league of the 2002 Raaz, starring Bipasha Basu and Dino Morea. That film, also by director Vikram Bhatt, had a decent story because it was “inspired” by the Michelle Pfeiffer-Harrison Ford supernatural thriller What Lies Beneath. This one, Raaz 3, is more in the club of Uttaran, the TV serial.